Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
