I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
