WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
