shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
