a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
