Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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