he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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