yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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