Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
