Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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