I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
