you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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