When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
