Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
