i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
