hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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