wrigley field is MILF paradise
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
