How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
