I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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