dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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