You smell like stripper and shame
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am available for nakedness
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
