it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
