I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize