Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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