just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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