dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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