dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
