I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize