I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
