yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
soo... how was my night?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
