I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
