i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
