What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
