ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
