i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
