I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
