if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
