i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
