when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
