she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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