he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
