He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
