Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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