Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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