You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
