Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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