God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize