gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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