i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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