I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
