I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My dick has a subreddit
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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