he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
