dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
