I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize