you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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