There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
