Whod you bang
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
