The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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