Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
