Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
