I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
