Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
do herpes really smell.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
