Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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