First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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