so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
