one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
