In the future we'll all be gay
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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