i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
