I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
