see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
