Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
