It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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