My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
