And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
