i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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