Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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