You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize