Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
