On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
