It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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