Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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