his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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