y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
