Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Bring me that man meat
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
