how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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