thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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