oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
