Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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