chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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