He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
