I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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