what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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