Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
