you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
