oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize