I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
